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Let Go and Build a Future or Get Revenge for Pain Caused by Narcissistic Emotional Abuser

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Let Go and Build a Future or Get Revenge for Pain Caused by a Narcissistic Emotional Abuser

February 18th, 2011 | Author: Ruth Elaine David

Numerous choices are generally considered once the narcissistic emotional abuser either kicks their victim to the curb, puts them temporarily on the shelf, or the victim themselves decides enough has been enough and attempts to leave the "imaginary" relationship. Several, among the numerous choices that exist, will not be addressed within the scope of this article. The choices that will be discussed are those of walking away and never looking back with absolute and complete "no contact," attempting to remain friends, informing new partners, and/or getting revenge for the pain, suffering, lost time, and just plain human denigration.

Plenty of media exists of family members sharing that prison sentences or worse in no way relieved any of the pain experienced from losing a loved one nor did the sentencing create a sense of peace because the violator had been brought to justice. In this situation, laws exist when life has been taken.

We are not talking about losing one's life, per say, when dealing with a narcissistic emotional abuser. It is a reality, however, that the victim does lose the quality of their life, if not forever (depending on numerous, numerous factors), then most definitely for a long period of time. The long period, including the time of involvement, letting go and getting out, and then (hopefully) recovery. The victim realizes the full-blown experience of their pain, suffering, lost time, and human denigration and thinks about the unfairness knowing no laws exist to punish and bring to justice those who have stolen and severely, emotionally harmed another human being. The victim without recourse thinks, "How can I get even?" Just as family members who lost a loved one to death caused by another human and not experiencing relief from any pain or gaining a sense of peace when the offender was punished, similar experiences await the victim of a narcissistic emotional abuser. The situations are different, yes, and with the case of the narcissistic emotional abuser, revenge will only anger them and energize them to patiently wait until their opportunity is availed to now seek revenge against the victim. The choice to get revenge, therein, is not an option.

Informing new partners is a consideration not from the perspective of revenge or ruining the game plan of the narcissistic emotional abuser, but to sincerely inform and hopefully prevent harm from happening to yet another human being. The problem with this choice, however, is any person who has fallen prey to a narcissistic emotional abuser knows that the narcissistic emotional abuser is way more convincing than the victim could ever hope to become. The narcissistic emotional abuser is brilliant in their skills of manipulation. They are the great pretender; the great impostor. They've worked years perfecting their maneuverings. The new partners have been swooned and though only a short period of time may have just passed, they are already in the grips of believing that this new relationship is the best thing that ever came their way. They believe they have met their queen or knight in shining armor. The choice of informing new partners, therein, is not an option.

The idea of attempting to remain amiable friends is considered. The victim quickly realizes this is the most preposterous thought after having gone back and forth and endured gazillions of lies and deceptions that this thought is discarded quickly. This choice certainly is not an option.

That leaves the victim with the choice of absolute and complete "no contact" with the narcissistic emotional abuser. How can this be achieved, truly? The victim has spent every waking moment and even more than normal amounts of "waking moments" due to the insomnia experienced by obsessive thinking and trying to figure out what and why "things" are the way they are in the relationship. So, again, how can this "no contact" be achieved? This can be achieved by the victim using time, every waking moment, to sew into their life positive experiences.

The victim must let completely go and begin building their new future; a future that is filled with joy and abundance. Instead of going to a well where there is no water, going to a well that they know has water. Instead of sewing energy towards an experience that has proven to cause pain, venturing in a new direction anticipating good things to come their way. The simple reality is that the choice to let go and build a future is filled with positive energy. With what type of energy is revenge filled? Seeds produce like seeds. If you were a victim, what types of seeds would you now want in your life?
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